“Is everyone
here an alien?” Evidently, ignoring the idiot was not enough to make him go
away.
“Of course not,” I kept my tone cold and condescending, careful not to engage. I had waited a long time for this.
The Earth’s moon began to obscure its star. I stared and felt my heart beat faster.
“But you’re an alien?”
“Yes, shut up please.”
My eyes couldn’t take the light. I tried lowering the lids, but it wasn’t enough. I felt my pockets for the sunshades I knew I had brought.
“Are you here to invade us?”
“What? No, why?” Asking a question was stupid. My pocket search had distracted me.
“Are you living among us on your own then?”
I had forgotten the sunshades.
“I’m not living among you, I’m just here for the day.”
The moon continued to creep across the sun, and I couldn’t see it properly because I was a fucking idiot.
“Are you not here to study us then?”
But not the biggest idiot.
“Study you? No. Why what do you do that I might want to study?”
I tried to look through my fingers, but it was still too bright.
“I thought you’d be here to study our achievements and human culture.”
I looked down at his cargo pant shorts and the sandwich he had in his hand
“Maybe next time.” I squinted back at the sun, but it was still too bright. I looked around desperately, but why would anyone have spare sunglasses? If only the moon would hang on for a minute. If I could just think, there must be something I…
“So, have you been here before then?”
“Look fella,” I felt it was time for my patience to run out, “why don’t you fuck off and bother another alien, if you’re so interested.”
“I might never meet another alien. I was just being friendly”
“What? Don’t be fucking ridiculous!” I looked around at the crowd. There are loads of non-Earth people here.
“What?” He looked startled. “You said you were on your own!”
Everything had started to get dark and cold. There was a profound silence as the birds stopped singing and roosted. confused at night falling in the middle of the day. The chatter of the crowd murmured into silence, maybe from the same primal confusion.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
“Why are you so grumpy?”
I felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn’t his fault he was an idiot.
“Look, I saved up for a hell of a long time to see this and I’ve come a hell of a long way. I came on my own, but there’s lots of people here from all over the place. I personally don’t know them. Not all of us aliens” - I did the air quotes and hated myself – “know each other. Okay?”
“Eh? What’s going on? Why are you all gathering here?”
I was right: he was an imbecile. I gestured sarcastically upward to where I was going to miss the greatest moment of my life because I was too stupid to pack sunglasses. He still looked blank. “For Fuck’s sake?”
“I get the eclipse, but you must get eclipses at home?”
The penny dropped. Light (ironically) dawned. He wasn’t the idiot, I was.
“Of course!” I iput a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I’m such a shit!”
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, I get eclipses at home, we all do.” I thought for a moment “Well most of us. Probably. The thing is, they’re not like your eclipses. The way the orbit of that moon lets it just cover the sun… A tiny bit closer, or further away and it wouldn’t.. The chances of it are…” I shook my head, describing this while it was actually happening above me made me emotional, “It’s one of the rarest sights in the universe. Maybe even unique.” I paused. He thought. Actual silence. It made me feel almost benevolent.
“We’re not here for the eclipse,” I said quietly, “we’re here for the moment after”
“Why are you getting upset then?”
“Look, I’ve spent everything I had to travel here, even though I can’t afford to stay and the one thing I’ve wanted to see my whole life is happening, and I won’t see it because I’ve forgotten to bring fucking sunglasses!”
“Why don’t you do what I was going to do?” He pulled a piece of paper from his bag and tore it in two. Using his keyring, he poked a tiny hole through both halves and handed one to me. I stared at it and giggled a slightly hysterical giggle.
“That’s not a bad idea.”
We stood and watched until the rarest, most exquisite diamond ring in the universe appeared for a few fleeting, beautiful seconds before the moon continued its transit. Warmth returned. The birds resumed their song and after a ripple of applause the crowd began to go about its respective day.
“My name’s Chris,” said the idiot who wasn’t really an idiot.
“Hi Chris.” I told him my name and he looked blank. “Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“I have a couch,” he said.
“What?”
“If you wanted to stay for a bit.”
I smiled.
“Why not?”
“Of course not,” I kept my tone cold and condescending, careful not to engage. I had waited a long time for this.
The Earth’s moon began to obscure its star. I stared and felt my heart beat faster.
“But you’re an alien?”
“Yes, shut up please.”
My eyes couldn’t take the light. I tried lowering the lids, but it wasn’t enough. I felt my pockets for the sunshades I knew I had brought.
“Are you here to invade us?”
“What? No, why?” Asking a question was stupid. My pocket search had distracted me.
“Are you living among us on your own then?”
I had forgotten the sunshades.
“I’m not living among you, I’m just here for the day.”
The moon continued to creep across the sun, and I couldn’t see it properly because I was a fucking idiot.
“Are you not here to study us then?”
But not the biggest idiot.
“Study you? No. Why what do you do that I might want to study?”
I tried to look through my fingers, but it was still too bright.
“I thought you’d be here to study our achievements and human culture.”
I looked down at his cargo pant shorts and the sandwich he had in his hand
“Maybe next time.” I squinted back at the sun, but it was still too bright. I looked around desperately, but why would anyone have spare sunglasses? If only the moon would hang on for a minute. If I could just think, there must be something I…
“So, have you been here before then?”
“Look fella,” I felt it was time for my patience to run out, “why don’t you fuck off and bother another alien, if you’re so interested.”
“I might never meet another alien. I was just being friendly”
“What? Don’t be fucking ridiculous!” I looked around at the crowd. There are loads of non-Earth people here.
“What?” He looked startled. “You said you were on your own!”
Everything had started to get dark and cold. There was a profound silence as the birds stopped singing and roosted. confused at night falling in the middle of the day. The chatter of the crowd murmured into silence, maybe from the same primal confusion.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
“Why are you so grumpy?”
I felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn’t his fault he was an idiot.
“Look, I saved up for a hell of a long time to see this and I’ve come a hell of a long way. I came on my own, but there’s lots of people here from all over the place. I personally don’t know them. Not all of us aliens” - I did the air quotes and hated myself – “know each other. Okay?”
“Eh? What’s going on? Why are you all gathering here?”
I was right: he was an imbecile. I gestured sarcastically upward to where I was going to miss the greatest moment of my life because I was too stupid to pack sunglasses. He still looked blank. “For Fuck’s sake?”
“I get the eclipse, but you must get eclipses at home?”
The penny dropped. Light (ironically) dawned. He wasn’t the idiot, I was.
“Of course!” I iput a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I’m such a shit!”
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, I get eclipses at home, we all do.” I thought for a moment “Well most of us. Probably. The thing is, they’re not like your eclipses. The way the orbit of that moon lets it just cover the sun… A tiny bit closer, or further away and it wouldn’t.. The chances of it are…” I shook my head, describing this while it was actually happening above me made me emotional, “It’s one of the rarest sights in the universe. Maybe even unique.” I paused. He thought. Actual silence. It made me feel almost benevolent.
“We’re not here for the eclipse,” I said quietly, “we’re here for the moment after”
“Why are you getting upset then?”
“Look, I’ve spent everything I had to travel here, even though I can’t afford to stay and the one thing I’ve wanted to see my whole life is happening, and I won’t see it because I’ve forgotten to bring fucking sunglasses!”
“Why don’t you do what I was going to do?” He pulled a piece of paper from his bag and tore it in two. Using his keyring, he poked a tiny hole through both halves and handed one to me. I stared at it and giggled a slightly hysterical giggle.
“That’s not a bad idea.”
We stood and watched until the rarest, most exquisite diamond ring in the universe appeared for a few fleeting, beautiful seconds before the moon continued its transit. Warmth returned. The birds resumed their song and after a ripple of applause the crowd began to go about its respective day.
“My name’s Chris,” said the idiot who wasn’t really an idiot.
“Hi Chris.” I told him my name and he looked blank. “Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“I have a couch,” he said.
“What?”
“If you wanted to stay for a bit.”
I smiled.
“Why not?”
AA
